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Posts tagged ‘grief’




Death, Divorce, the Loss of a job, or the Loss of a relationship or a loved one all share one thing in common: GRIEF. No matter whom you are, how old you are, where you live, whether you are rich or poor, no matter your religious affiliation or the color of your skin, every one of us has suffered GRIEF at some point in our lives. The death of a family member, the death of a marriage or romantic relationship, losing a job unexpectedly, even the death of the family pet causes grief. It doesn’t matter how it happened, how long you knew it was coming, how sick they may have been, when loss comes, grief comes in like an overwhelming flood. Every emotion you have ever felt rises to the surface and you hurt inside to the marrow of your bones. Your first thought is you will not survive it, you’ll never overcome it, and you scream, yell, cry, beg, plead, blame and think you are not going to get out of the horrible pain you are feeling.

Grief is a part of the cycle of life and it is the part of it most of us do not understand, much less know how to cope with it. The fundamental source of grief is our “fear of death”. We know that we have heard about Heaven and Hell for years, but do we believe they really exist? Is there life outside this body of ours, or do we just go back to dust and there is nothing more? When our pain is so great, it is no wonder we plead with God to die as well. Something so dear and so precious has been snatched from us and we want answers. And we want them NOW!!!! We do not want to hurt, to feel the pain so searing we don’t think our heart can bear it. Sometimes we feel nothing at first, we are almost numb. Then when we do start to feel the pain and loss, we often don’t know how to cope with it or our emotions.

In Drs. Kübler-Ross and Kessler’s book, “On Grief and Grieving,” they introduced to the world the now-famous five stages of grief: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance. These are all part of the process and until you reach the acceptance stage, it is possible to go back and forth from one stage to another or be in several of these stages at the same time. No two people grieve alike and no one should encourage someone in grief to “get over it”. Platitudes and well meaning phrases mean nothing. In fact, some of the worst offenders of these are family and friends. Because people do grieve differently, they should be allowed to grieve in their own way, and to let the process run its course.

On rare occasions, someone’s grief is so great they shut everyone else out of their life and begin to build a shrine or memorial to their lost loved one. To a certain degree this is normal, but if it looks disproportionate, someone should step up to the plate and suggest grief counseling. Usually in this circumstance, a counselor/advisor will usually find that the death or loss was the catalyst for deeper buried emotions that suddenly rushed to the surface and they could not get a grasp on reality for awhile.

As always, time alone is healing and in due season the grieving process will be completed and the hidden clutter will go away too. It is important to remember that at the moment you are grieving, it is your pain, not the pain of someone else’s experience that helps you. It is a journey you must walk out by yourself even if you have a good support group of loving friends and family to surround you with their love. Just as each of us is different, so is our grieving process, so do not expect your grief to be like mine and do not judge me if you think I am not grieving right. The five stages make up a part of the coping with the lost of a loved one; they are tools to help us identify our feelings and emotions. Everyone goes through them all nor do they go through them in a prescribed order. They are stages through which we gain knowledge of the hold grief has on us, making us better equipped to cope with life and with loss.


Being in a state of denial is the first stage of grieving. An overwhelming feeling of numbness engulfs us, and we don’t seem to feel anything. Nothing makes any sense. There is a combination of feeling helpless, hopeless and wanting to die on the one hand, and on the other hand, it’s all so surreal, it’s like a nightmare and we can’t wake up. At times the reality slips to the surface and we have to remind ourselves to breathe, we exist from second to second, then minute to minute, until we realize this is like being in a bubble and we can’t feel anything inside the bubble, we function in disbelief, shock and denial. Being inside the bubble is a coping mechanism that kicks in to help us cope with our grief. As long as the bubble remains, we somehow get through the loss and pain. This is a good thing; it is the body’s way of letting us get through the roughest spots as easily as possible. We somehow appear to “be holding up great” to others, when actually we are in total denial and sooner or later, someone or something sticks a pin in the bubble and it leaks. This is when we start to really begin to feel the pain of our loss, to question why, and blame everyone and everything, even God for causing us so much hurt. It is not a rapid process, but sooner than later, pin after pin pierces our bubble until we are back in the real world again and the pain is overwhelming. This is the beginning of the healing process even though we don’t see it that way. We don’t want to hurt or feel, we want the bubble back, but to fully recover from grief, the bubble must be broken for us to move forward and those feelings of denial will now begin to surface.


Anger almost always follows the bursting of the bubble of denial. We are angry that our grief hurts, our loss is real, it isn’t a bad dream, it really happened. Anger is a necessary part of the healing process. No matter how long it seems to take you to get through it, anger needs to be released, not bottled up inside. The sooner you can get rid of your anger, the sooner it will all be released and you will begin to heal faster. Your whole world just changed and so has everyone around you. Being angry can be healthy if you direct it into the center of the storm of your pain rather than try to play the blame game. There isn’t a conspiracy going on around you, it is the natural order of change as a result of your loss that is happening. Embrace the change and let your anger keep you focused on the real reason you are hurting. The anger you are feeling is usually directed at doctors, family, friends, your loved one, and even toward yourself. You feel abandoned, rejected, deserted and you lash out at those closest to you. Again, while this is considered normal, and it is a part of the process of healing from grief, try not to be angry at those around you; rather, be angry at the cancer, the divorce, the loss of income, whatever it is that caused you this much grief, agony and pain and totally focus your energies on being angry at that. Normally, we learn more about suppressing anger than feeling it, but in a situation of grief and intense pain, it needs to be released. Anger is another indication of how much you truly and deeply loved.


We want life returned to what is was; we want our loved one restored. We want to go back in time: find the tumor sooner, recognize the illness more quickly, and stop the accident from happening. Before the loss, you make offers to do anything if only your loved one would be spared. “Please God, “you bargain, I will never be angry at my wife again if you’ll just let her live.” After a loss, we renegotiate our position with statements like: “What if I spend the rest of my life helping others and when I wake up I will realize this has all been a bad dream?” We plow through all the “If only.” or “What ifs.” plea bargains. This is usually when guilt becomes bargaining’s best friend. While we are in the “if only” phase, guilt steps in and causes us to find fault in ourselves and second guess what we “think” we could have done differently. We will do anything not to feel the pain of this loss. We try to negotiate our way out of the hurt. There is nothing you can do to go back in time. Bargaining serves its purpose in the healing process, but bargains are usually never kept or realized. Each of these stages of grief are responses to feelings that can last for minutes or hours days or weeks, even months while we feel like we are on a roller coaster going in and out of one stage and then another. The stages of grief are different for everyone, some of them lasting weeks or months. We tend to forget that these stages are responses to feelings that we have at different times, places, there is no set schedule or duration of feelings and time. We do not enter and leave each individual stage in an orderly fashion. We may feel one, then another and back again to the first one. Our emotions are out of balance and it’s like riding a roller coaster, up, down, around, up again and down again over and over until it is a finished work.


When our bargaining efforts prove fruitless, we start thinking about our present situation. An emptiness and aloneness becomes unbearable and grief enters our lives on a deeper level than we ever imagined. Depression moves in and it feels as though it will last forever. This depression is not a sign of mental illness. It is the appropriate response to a great loss. We often withdraw from life, feel like we are in a fog of intense sadness, wondering, perhaps, if there is any point in even trying to start over when it could possibly end the same way. Why go through it all again? Depression after a loss is too often seen as unnatural: a state to be fixed, something to snap out of. The loss of a loved one is a very depressing situation, and depression is a normal and appropriate response. If we did not experience depression after a loved one dies it would be truly an unusual situation and one would wonder about that. When the realization that your loved one didn’t get better this time and is not coming back is understandably depressing. If grief is a process of healing, then depression is one of the many necessary steps we have to take along the way.


Acceptance is not the concept of being “all right” or “OK” with what has happened. This is not the case. Most people never feel “OK” or “all right” about the loss of a loved one. This stage is about accepting the reality that our loved one is physically gone and recognizing that this is the permanent reality we have to live with. We will never like this reality and it will never OK, but eventually we learn to accept it and live with it. We have to try to live now in a world where our loved one is missing. At first many people want to maintain life as it was before a loved one died. In time, however, we see that we cannot keep living in the past. Our past has been forever changed and we must learn how to live with the change. We have to learn how to start living again. It isn’t easy, but finding acceptance may be just having more good days than bad ones. Then as we begin to live again and we start to enjoy our life, it is common that we might feel we are betraying our loved one. We can never replace what has been lost, but we can make new friendships, new meaningful relationships, and new beginnings. Rather than denying our feelings, we should be listening to our needs; we move, we change, we grow, we evolve. We begin to reach out to others and become involved in their lives. We invest time in our friendships and in our relationship with ourselves. We slowly begin to live again, but we can’t do this until grief has run its full course. How long it takes is different with each of us, and there is no timetable to follow. It takes as long as it takes, because it is as unique as you are.

You will never forget the one who left you, or the loss you experienced, but you will move on with your life. The sun will come out again, the birds will sing, laughter will flow out of your heart once more, in spite of what you think now, and in due season, you will move toward a different tomorrow. Life is precious. Treasure it. Love is priceless, hold on to it protectively, not demanding and controlling. God doesn’t mind if you ask Him why, and he doesn’t mind if you even blame Him. He knows that down the road you will survive this and grow in it and from it. God did not TAKE your loved one away to teach you something, or because He NEEDED them in Heaven. That isn’t how a loving Father acts towards his children so why would God do that to you? He wouldn’t, couldn’t and didn’t. While you think He abandoned you along the way, He was the one carrying you through it all and he bottled every one of your tears. The good news is, God restores your life and while you will laugh, live and love again, but somewhere deep inside your heart you will always carry the footprints of your loved one forever. They will never be more than a whisper away. And it is in learning this lesson that we learn to embrace death and loss as a part of the circle of life.

Life on this earth may be over for some now, but they still live on, in another realm of the spirit beyond our view and we know that they are well, happy and free of pain, sorrow, and illnesses. One day, our time to take that trip to the other side will come and we will see them again and be with them for an eternity, to infinity and beyond. That is our comfort and peace and allows us to go forward knowing that one day we will meet again.

If you or someone you know is having trouble dealing with grief contact me, Cherokee Billie, and let me help with the healing process. I am always here to help.

Cherokee Billie


Heal your grief for Whitney Houston and Others

So many people feel they do not have a way to express their grief over the loss of Whitney Houston and I am going to share ways that will help you deal with grief. It’s important that you continue to live a full life and be thankful that Whitney shared a portion of your life. It does not matter who you are grieving for, the techniques I have given below are going to help. So here are some thoughts that I have put together that I would like for you to focus on to get over grieving.

Focus on Whitney Houston’s music, and videos, not her shortcomings or the rumors about her death.

Don’t believe everything you hear and read. Respect her for what you hear of her music and her videos and don’t listen to the gossip. The pain will ease but never lift.

Whitney shared a magnetism and connection to her fans that transcends any physical place or structure.
Whitney could give you a smile that would melt your heart or make you believe you were the most special person in the world. Remember her presence will always be with us.

The best way to remember her is by literally paying attention to the message that she conveys in her music videos and songs.

To me music is a therapy, and I listen to music that has a positive message and it heals my spirit.

The Important Thing Is Learning How To Cherish A Memory Without Getting Stuck There.

A Healing Meditation

Sit in special place that you make your sacred space and prepare yourself with your own special opening ritual—for example, a prayer or the lighting of a candle or incense. You may want to spend time voicing your emotions, releasing feelings and balancing your energy—so that you can focus on the pure intention of giving your love to Whitney.

When you feel centered, close your eyes and visualize Whitney’s face. When the energy of this experience is at its height, send a beam of unconditionally loving energy out of your heart to Whitney. You can imagine a beam of light or a color, but pay special attention to the sensations of power in your heart moving out towards Whitney. Hold this feeling for a few moments, leaving your own concerns aside in order to devote all of your energy to simply wishing Whitney the best.

When it feels appropriate to end, ask for help on your own journey ahead. Give thanks for the love and support that you know is always there from your loved one, your ancestors, and your spiritual guides and teachers. Give thanks even if you can’t see the way ahead and even though it may be hard to know what to feel thankful for.

Asking for help calls energy in; giving thanks sends it out. Your heart is the doorway for this universal rhythm of loving. By keeping it open you stay connected to the most powerful healing of all.

I pray that everyone who grieves for Whitney Houston be touched by the healing Angel Rafael. Remember Whitney doesn’t need healing as she is whole and complete in spirit.

Can I, An Average Person, Talk To A Deceased Loved One?

By Cherokee Billie.

In a nutshell – Yes, You Can. You would be amazed at how much the deceased want to communicate back to those that they loved, especially the first few months after they have departed. You may be getting contacted right now from someone you love and are not aware of it.

Often a person’s grief can stop the flow of communication from the departed. It is natural to grieve for someone you have lost, but you have to get calm and quiet to start receiving messages and even answers to your questions. When you are able to put aside your grief for short periods of time, you will be able to notice if you are being contacted. Pray and ask to be able to have an open connection with your loved one.

Many people have experienced the smell of a fragrance such as perfume or aftershave that a loved one used. This is their way of letting you know they are near you.

Start paying attention to your environment and expressions that come into your mind that remind you of your loved one. Let me explain this further.

The deceased often communicate by turning on lights, electronics, manipulating computers, and any other electronic device. The reason is that they, departed loved ones are spirits, which are pure energy and it is easy for them to come through energy devices. If you have noticed unusual things happening around your electronics, this could be your loved one letting you know that they are with you. Perhaps you were looking for something on the internet and became distracted, and, when you looked back at the monitor, there on the screen is exactly a website that would help you. These things are not coincidental; this is one of the ways that the deceased have of letting you know they are there with you. They may also move curtains or even your sheets to get your attention.

Just as you are about to drift to sleep, you hear the soft voice of a loved one talking to you. This is quite common due to the fact that, as you approach the sleep state, you are more in tuned to the spirit world. It is beneficial to ask your loved one to speak with you as you sleep. You can say this out loud or in a prayer just before bedtime. Keep a journal by your bed and write down what ever comes to mind first thing when you wake up. You will begin to notice that messages are coming to you.

You can develop the gift of communicating with the departed. I am here to demystify the belief that only a select person or group to is able to have this talent. Each one of us possesses psychic abilities, and its learning to use them that will help us pierce the veil between our world and the spirit world.

Start thinking about things that have been happening around you; as I said earlier, keep a journal and make notations of things you notice or have heard.

Open up your spiritual self and you will be amazed at what you truly hear and see.

If you would like more help on learning how to communicate with your deceased loved one contact me, Cherokee Billie, and I will teach you privately one-on-one how you can successfully communicate with your departed loved one.

You Can Communicate With a Deceased Loved One

Sign up for my next newsletter out on July 17 and you will learn ways to communicate with a deceased loved one. I want to take the mystery out of communicating with a deceased loved one and put it into your realm. If you are not already receiving my newsletters sign up here or on the front page of my website at:

You also receive a free booklet on intuition when you sign up!

Many blessings,
Cherokee Billie

Stay Young My Friends

We all need to read this one over and over until it becomes part of who we are!


1. Try everything twice.
On one woman’s tombstone she said she wanted this epitaph:
“Tried everything twice. Loved it both times!”

2. Keep only cheerful friends.
The grouches pull you down.
(Keep this in mind if you are one of those grouches!)

3. Keep learning:
Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever…
Never let the brain get idle. ‘An idle mind is the devil’s workshop.’
And the devil’s name is Alzheimer’s!

4. Enjoy the simple things.

5. Laugh often, long and loud.
Laugh until you gasp for breath.
And if you have a friend who makes you laugh,
spend lots and lots of time with HIM/HER.

6.. The tears happen:
Endure, grieve, and move on.
The only person, who is with us our entire life, is ourselves.
LIVE while you are alive.

7. Surround yourself with what you love:
Whether it’s family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever..
Your home is your refuge.

8. Cherish your health:
If it is good, preserve it.
If it is unstable, improve it.
If it is beyond what you can improve, get help.

9. Don’t take guilt trips.
Take a trip to the mall, even to the next county,
to a foreign country, but NOT to where the guilt is.

10. Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity.
I love you, my special friend.

11. Forgive now those who made you cry. You might not get a second chance.

12. Remember! Lost time can never be found.

And last, but certainly not least. Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.

Why Can’t The Rest of The World Get Along?

In a zoo in California , a mother tiger gave birth to a rare set of triplet tiger cubs. Unfortunately, due to complications in the pregnancy, the cubs were born prematurely and due to their tiny size, they died shortly after birth.

The mother tiger after recovering from the delivery, suddenly started to decline in health, although physically she was fine. The veterinarians felt that the loss of her litter had caused the tigress to fall into a depression. The doctors decided that if the tigress could surrogate another mother’s cub’s, perhaps she would improve.

After checking with many other zoos across the country, the depressing news was that there were no tiger cubs of the right age to introduce to the mourning mother. The veterinarians decided to try something that had never been tried in a zoo environment. Sometimes a mother of one species, will take on the care of a different species. The only ‘orphans’ that could be found quickly, were a litter of weanling pigs. The zoo keepers and vets wrapped the piglets in tiger skin and placed the babies around the mother tiger.

Would they become cubs or pork chops?? Take a look…

Now, please tell me one more time ………

Why can’t the rest of the world get along??

Using Native American Tradition to Heal Your Grief Over Michael Jackson.

An Animal Totem is an important symbolic object used by a person to get in touch with specific qualities found within an animal which the person needs, connects with, or feels a deep affinity toward.

From the time I can first remember I was attracted to Owl’s. Now I realize that Owl has been my personal medicine throughout my life. Everything that Owl symbolizes has been natural to me all of my life. I strongly recommend a book that can help you learn about your animal totem. “Medicine Cards: The Discovery of Power Through the Ways of Animals by Jamie Sams, David Carson, and Angela C. Werneke” you can purchase this through

Owl medicine is a feminine trait and is symbolically associated with clairvoyance, astral projection, and magic. Since time immemorial, humanity has been afraid of the night, the dark, and the unseen – waiting fearfully for the first crack of morning light. Conversely, night is Owl’s friend. It has great awareness of all that is around it at all times. It has predator vision, which means it sees clearly what it looks at. It has great intuition, and the courage to follow its instincts. It is a meat eater, which means it can be a fierce warrior if challenged, or if something dear to it is threatened.

Owl can see in the dark, and can accurately pinpoint and identify any sound. If you have Owl medicine, these night birds will have a tendency to collect around you, even in the daytime, because they recognize a kinship with you.

In many cultures Owl is a symbol for wisdom. This is because Owl can see that which others cannot, which is the essence of true wisdom. Where others are deceived, Owl sees and knows what is there.

Athena, the Greek goddess of wisdom, had a companion Owl on her shoulder which revealed unseen truths to her. Owl had the ability to light up Athena’s blind side, enabling her to speak the whole truth, as opposed to only a half truth.

If Owl is your personal medicine, no one can deceive you about what they are doing, no matter how they try to disguise or hid it from you. You may be a little frightening to be around, since so many people have ulterior motives which you see right through. Owl medicine people know more about an individual’s inner life than that person knows about herself or himself. Now you can understand why I’m a psychic.

Owl medicine is wonderful to have. Those who carry it cannot be conned because their vision shows them the truth of the situation.

Chakra – Root, Crown
Essential Oil – Rosemary, Lime, Cinnamon
Chant – Ti mah su
Planet – Pluto

Actions to Take To Heal Your Grief Over The Loss Of Michael Jackson.

Write a letter to a loved one, Michael Jackson or any one you loved, who has passed over or light a candle for them for 7 consecutive days. Look back at some of the “deaths” in your life, how have they helped you to become the person you are today? Join a discussion or support group for death and dying.

Hold a releasing ceremony, symbolically burying or burning anything you no longer want or need in your own life. Make up your own ritual for this and follow your own inner knowing or call upon Owl to help show you the way.

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