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Today Marks 30 Years Since My Mother Died.

weddig restored

My parents at my first wedding.

It seems like yesterday and yet it seems like a hundred years ago that my mother died.

I did not have a real close relationship with my mother.  She never expressed any love or affection to me.  I was never hugged.  I was never told that I was loved.  She criticized me for everything I did.  If I came home with straight A’s on my report card it was not acknowledged.  But let me get a bad grade and I was berated.

My mother had two daughters by a previous marriage and she always hugged and kissed them and anything they did was always praised.  I never understood why I was not shown the same attention.  Of course later on after she passed I understood things more.

My mother was physically very ill for the last 15 years of her life and she had expressed that she did not want to live long and have to be taken care of.  I certainly understand that thought having been bedridden 27 years and paying people to take care of me.

The day that she died I knew that leaving this physical world was better for her.  She had such a miserable life and had suffered so much over the years that I felt it was a true release for her.  I still took time to say goodbye to her in my own special way.

I had held resentment inside of me for many years towards my mother over the lack of love that I did not receive.  It had set me up to make many bad choices in my life because of desperately wanting to be loved and accepted.

I spent time over several years analyzing my mother’s life carefully and there came a moment where I had a clear vision of my mother at the age of 13 and what a horrific experience she had as a young girl.  She lived in the backwoods of Tennessee and had no connection to the world outside of Tennessee.  Her parents were drunks and had six children and never really took care of them.  When my mother was 13 they married her off to a man of 26 years old.  In meditation I saw my mother at the hands of this man being brutally raped and not understanding anything about sex and marriage.  That was the moment that I had my breakthrough and was able to totally forgive her.

I realized that she gave so much attention to her daughters because they did not have a father.  The man she married was an alcoholic and abusive to her and the children.  I had a good father and she felt that was enough.  She never really understood my father or me as we were quite different from her.

From the moment I had that revelation I was able to forgive and heal everything I had felt about my mother.  I think of her now with great love and affection and wish I could go back in time and express this to her.  I know that her spirit hears me and sees me.  She has visited me since her passing and I feel that both of us have had a healing.

I share this story not only to tell about my relationship, but to help people understand how important forgiveness is, whether the person is around you or not.  Forgiveness heals you!

I thank you Mama for all that you did for me and I look forward to the day that we meet again face to face.

With love from your daughter,


The Necessity of Forgiveness

The Necessity of Forgiveness! Click picture for articleForgiveness. It’s such a hard thing to do, but it can be so liberating to the soul. What makes it difficult for most of us to do is the way we define it. We think of forgiveness as meaning that we should say all is forgotten and things will go back to what they were.

How can you forget the unforgettable? How can you forgive the unforgivable? To enjoy the benefits of forgiveness, however, we needn’t go that far. All that’s really required is that we make the decision to move forward, to let go of the old hurts. We don’t have to condone what’s been done. What’s wrong is still wrong. We don’t have to invite the person back into our lives or even be friendly with them. What we do have to do is allow ourselves to release all the negative emotions associated with that person. As long as we hold onto the pain, we are choosing to allow that person’s past actions to continue to hurt us. We can also choose to stop letting them hurt us. That’s a definition of forgiveness that’s more doable for those of us who are less than saintly.

What if I don’t feel like forgiving others?

There are times we don’t feel like forgiving those who have wronged us or someone we love. It is easier to act our way into feeling than to feel our way into acting. Having a nature of not forgiving others brings about bitterness, and bitterness has been linked to stress-related illnesses by some medical researchers. By forgiving others, we free ourselves spiritually and emotionally. Forgiveness is an act of our own personal will, trusting God to bring emotional healing.

How can I help those struggling with forgiveness?

People who have experienced abuse, trauma, or loss need time to sort things out and let the Divine Spirit bring them to the place of forgiveness in His time. God’s timing is always the right time for each individual. The act of forgiving others is between us and the Divine. The only time we need to forgive a person face-to-face is at the moment we are asked by that person to forgive them for the hurt they have caused.

There are things we can do to help those struggling with the forgiveness of others. We can support them with encouraging words and by listening to them. Taking our time and being gentle with them will allow them to progress through the steps of forgiveness the way the Divine Spirit wants them to proceed. And most importantly pray for their healing so that they can forgive.

“The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.”
Mahatma Gandhi

Perdona y olvida

Perdonar. Es una cosa dificil de hacer, pero puede ser muy liberador para el alma. Lo que lo hace dificil para la mayoria de nosotros es la manera en que lo definimos. Creemos en el perdon en el sentido de que debemos decir que todo se olvida y las cosas volveran a lo que eran.

¿Cómo se puede olvidar lo inolvidable? ¿Como se puede perdonar lo imperdonable? Para disfrutar de los beneficios del perdon, sin embargo, no tenemos que ir tan lejos. Todo lo que realmente se requiere es la decision de seguir adelante, soltar la viejas heridas. Nosotros no tenemos que tolerar lo que se ha hecho. Lo que es incorrecto sigue siendo incorrecto. No debemos invitar a la persona de nuevo a nuestras vidas, o incluso ser amigable con ellos. Lo que tenemos que hacer es permitir que se liberen todos los sentimientos negativos asociados con esa persona. Mientras mantengamos el dolor, permitimos que las acciones pasadas de esa persona nos sigan dañando. Tambien podemos optar por dejar de hacernos daño a nosotros. Esa es una definicion de perdonar que es mas real para aquellos de nosotros que tenemos poco de santos.

¿Que hago si no tengo ganas de perdonar a otros?
Hay veces que no tengo ganas de perdonar a quienes nos han hecho mal, o a alguien que amamos. Es mas facil actuar nuestra manera en el sentimiento, que sentir en nuestra manera de actuar. Tener la naturaleza de no perdonar a los demás da lugar a la amargura y la amargura se ha relacionado con enfermedades relacionadas con el estres por algunos investigadores medicos. Al perdonar a otros, nos liberamos espiritual y emocionalmente. El perdon es un acto de nuestra voluntad personal, confiando en Dios para traer sanacion emocional.

¿Como puedo ayudar a aquellos que luchan con el perdon?

Las personas que han sufrido abusos, traumas, necesitan tiempo para resolver las cosas y dejar que el Espíritu Divino los lleve al lugar del perdon en su momento. El tiempo de Dios es siempre el momento adecuado para cada individuo. El acto de perdonar a otros es entre nosotros y lo divino. La unica vez que tenemos que perdonar a una persona cara a cara, es en el momento en que esa persona nos pide que se le perdone por el daño que ha causado.

Hay cosas que podemos hacer para ayudar a aquellos que luchan con el perdon de los demas. Podemos apoyar con palabras de aliento y escuchandolos. Tomando nuestro tiempo y ser amable con ellos les permitira progresar a traves de las medidas de condonacion de la manera en que el Espíritu Divino quiere que se desarrollen. Y lo mas importante: rezar por su curacion de modo que puedan perdonar.

“El débil nunca puede perdonar. El perdon es atributo de los fuertes. “
Mahatma Gandhi

How to Heal a Broken Heart?

How to Heal a Broken Heart?
Can a heart be broken? Yes it can! As a spiritual adviser I have many clients that are coming to me with this problem and I take it very seriously………… MAY TAKE LONG OR SHORT depending on the person or the situation………..Here is the reality I discovered: No matter if you’ve broken up from a long marriage or lost your first love, no matter how impossible it may seem – you can heal. Whether you are 20 or 60, life can still go on and it can be not only meaningful, but also better and brighter than before. This does not happen because you ‘wait’ for time to heal you, but rather because you’ve taken action to heal your broken heart. Help does exist and YOU CAN heal ♥

It’s important to take care of yourself during this time of change. Separating from a partner can entail all kinds of upheavals: you may need to move out and find a new home, you may have to let go of mutual friends if they end up ‘taking sides’, you may even have children and that can cause a terrible amount of pain for all involved. So with all of these things going on around you, you must make sure you take the time to give yourself loving attention.

If you would like help on dealing with the breakup of a relationship contact me, Cherokee Billie, for one on one personal guidance.

Live a life of Compassion

You are goodness and mercy and compassion and understanding. You are peace and joy and light. You are forgiveness and patience, strength and courage, a helper in time of need, a comforter in time of sorrow, a healer in time of injury, a teacher in times of confusion. You are the deepest wisdom and the highest truth; the greatest peace and the grandest love. You are these things. And in moments of your life you have known yourself as these things. Choose now to know yourself as these things always. You are far more wonderful than you think.
Many blessings, Cherokee Billie


I know what it is, but how do I do it? How do I know when I have truly recovered from the pain of hurt that broke my heart, wounded my spirit, or crushed me to the core of my inner being? Can you forget the pain and hurt or do you live with it the rest of your life? Have you ever felt this way and didn’t know if you could ever forgive the person who hurt you so badly? I was sent this powerful message by Amber Ann Wright and felt it was a good illustration of what forgiveness is.

“When my sister was about six weeks old, I heard a very strange sound coming from inside my house. My mother was holding her and rocking her, but the strange sound was singing. Mother was singing to her. I was about 28 months old the day I realized I had never heard her sing to me, much less rock me in the rocking chair. My Dad worked at a bank, he had returned from the war and was thrilled beyond measure when he discovered he was going to be a father. And what an amazing father he was! When I came along, mother was trying to keep up with her friends who were all getting pregnant and she was determined to get pregnant too. What mother wanted was a Cabbage Patch Doll that she could pull off the shelf when needed and put back when she was done with me. When my sister arrived, things changed. She was ready to be a mother and it showed.

During the day, mother dressed me in a tee shirt and diapers and put me in a playpen on the front porch. We were poor and lived in a housing project. Daddy rode the bus to and from work. The routine was always the same, he left for work, I went to the porch and mother played with the new baby. I would fall asleep listening to her sing songs that made me wish she was singing to me. Some days I would stay out there all day long until I heard a very familiar sound……….my father’s whistle. He could whistle so loud that I could hear it long before I could see him walking from the bus stop to our street corner. As soon as I heard that sound, I knew I would be found, loved, held and fed. By the time he opened the screen door, I was doing a little jig, jumping up and down with joy for him to pick me up. And he would.

Over the years it didn’t take long to realize that my mother adored my sister and I was in the way. I don’t know when the spankings began. I just remember playing with the car keys one day before we took my sister to the doctor’s office. I lost the keys and they couldn’t be found. I got a spanking I still remember today. We had to call a Taxi to come pick us up and take us to the office. Later that night, when my Daddy got home from work, he noticed the bruises on my legs and arms and mother told him I lost the keys and she had to punish me. He gave me a bath, put on my pajamas and went into the kitchen to fix me some oatmeal for supper. There in the bottom of the oatmeal pot were the missing keys. After supper I went to bed and all I remember then was the yelling.

There are not enough hours in this day or week to tell the whole story, but the spankings turned to beatings and back then child abuse wasn’t openly discussed or mentioned. I wore long sleeve polo shirts and long blue jeans summer, winter, springtime and fall. I was always a colorful person with various shades of green, yellow, black, blue and purples. And sometimes I got a little bloody. That’s when I would hide under my bed in the very corner until Daddy got home to bandage me up again.

When I ran away from home to get married at age 16, I thought my problems were solved. She couldn’t beat me anymore. But sometimes we just move from the frying pan to the fire. Over the years I tried to stay out of her way. I stayed hooked to my Daddy’s hip like a piece of fuzz on Velcro. With this constant abuse came the fighting, more abuse and ultimately the rebellion. I was angry and lashed out many times telling her not to hit me again. I even grabbed her hands once to keep her from hitting me in the back with a frying pan. If I hadn’t been standing in front of a mirror, I would have never seen it coming.

Years and years later, the cycle repeated itself over and over. First the beatings, then the I’m sorry, then the gifts, and kindness until I had hope “this time it might be for real”. But that is when the cycle would start all over again. Now I am older and have children of my own and a flock of grandchildren. I came to a point in time, right after Hurricane Katrina hit in 2005 that I was done. I had given up all hope for us to be friends or mother and daughter. My Daddy had died in 2001 and I felt I was so very much alone. My husband was so much like my Daddy, but there was a hole in my heart that nothing could fill up, except my relationship with Jesus and He helped me through some very rough times. I hated the fact that I no longer loved my mother, I didn’t even hate her. The awful truth is that I felt nothing. I was totally apathetic toward her. And she was getting older and I was convinced if anything happened, I wouldn’t even go to her funeral.

Two weeks ago I got a phone call from her telling me she had fallen and asked me to call my sister to come help her. So I did as I was told and made the call. A little while later, I called to check on her and found out my brother was over there and the ambulance was on the way, her leg looked broken and she had gashes in her arms and legs from falling on the tile floor. Mother is 90 now and her skin is as thin as onion skins and it ripped and tore terribly. I prayed for her to get better, but it would be the following morning before I could get to the hospital to see her.

Everything inside me turned upside down and I burst into tears. There was this woman I had stopped loving and didn’t even like; small, frail and battered and bruised with a broken hip and leg. She had been put back together during surgery but she was covered from head to toe in bruises. There before me was the object of my apathy and I wept from the bottom of my heart and begged God to forgive me for not loving her and for all the years we had lost as a mother and daughter. I couldn’t undo the past, but I could forgive it. I thought I had, but the tears told me I wasn’t as cold and hard-hearted as I thought I was. I spent every day and night with her for 8 days and now she is in a rehab facility. It was a sadly depressing room and I got permission to fix it up and make it homier for her. So off to pick out what I knew she would like….or at least I hoped she would like. A new quilt for her bed with pillow sham, colorful sheets to match, flowers and flower pots, photos for the walls and extra clothes for her to wear while there. Then we raided her house and brought in her recliner, television and two small tables and a book shelf. I collected slippers, clothes, pictures of the family and especially ones of her and Daddy. I gathered her Bible, Daily Devotional Book and diary and took them to her. When we left, it didn’t look like the same room. It was light and cheery and I felt great about it.

For the first time in years, Mother told me she loved me and she would miss me, she is ready to go Home to live with Jesus. I’m not ready to give her up, but she is in such pain and suffering and she is so alone now. She prays to die every day and I pray God’s merciful grace was so patient and longsuffering that I not only forgive her, I don’t want to even think of the past. What time we have left I want it to be filled with joy, peace, love and forgiveness. I forgave her years ago, but the memories and the pain never went away. I don’t feel it now, it’s gone. Like a heavy black cloud over my life for all these years, I’m finally at peace with her and myself. She could get mad at me tomorrow, and that will be okay….she is too old to change, but I am not. I still have time to love her and tell her how much I do and mean it from the bottom of my heart.

If I want to grow with grace in Christ, then forgiveness is a must. I must forgive those who have wronged me, and I must forgive myself for not learning the lesson sooner. People are in our lives for reasons and seasons, some stay forever, some go when their reasons are finished. My mother gave me life, she gave me grief, but she is still my mother and when she is gone, I will miss her very much. You see, somewhere in her lifetime, her mother died when she was very young and she was passed from relative to relative and always felt rejected and unloved. How can you give what you never got yourself? Mother never learned how to love unconditionally, nor did she learn to forgive….she only learned she had to win, she had to be right, she had to control things her way. We have wasted so much time, but God is the restorer and He will give us enough time to make perfect peace.

My job is to love her, care for her and do it honestly after all that we went through for so many years. Can I do it??? Yes, I can. Have I done it yet? Yes I have. Do I feel it now? The day she fell, the answer is NO, but the day I saw her and how pitifully sad and lost she looked and knowing her pain was so great……..I can truthfully say that I don’t feel angry anymore. The dark cloud is gone and my spirit if free. Forgiveness is a must for all of us. Don’t let it ruin your life. Forgive the one who hurt you, forgive yourself and move onward toward the sweet spirit of light and peace.”

Thank you Amber.

When you can wholeheartedly forgive those that have mistreated you, it will be a release of spiritual poison and you will find yourself living a happier life. Do not let lack of forgiveness keep you from living a full life right now.

Recovering From the End of a Relationship

Whether you were left by someone, or whether you were the one who walked away, the ending of a relationship is usually a heartbreaking experience for both people. Even relationships that are ended by mutual agreement can still leave a person feeling lost and incomplete somehow. Feelings of failure, being unlovable, of not knowing who you are without your partner, as well as many other painful emotions can make it hard to carry on.

If you’ve just come out of a relationship you might feel like you will ever be the same again. By this people usually mean that they will never feel good again, or will never feel whole again. The truth is, you won’t ever be the same, but that is not a bad thing. The emptiness you are feeling, although it hurts right now, is the space in which new insights and inspiration can grow. Also, although it probably feels like your partner has taken away a part of you that you won’t ever get back; you have also gained something from that relationship that you would never have found had you not met that person.

Your Journey is Not Over! READ ON

Let’s Begin With Today

Let’s all begin with today,
by making amends,
to whom ever it may be,
whether it may be family or friends.
I ask that all of the ugliness,
be left behind and alone.
Without darkness, and moisture,
ugliness, as with fungus, cannot be grown.
Out of the darkness,
it takes just one sparkle of light,
and soon this unwanted anger,
will soon be out of sight.
Both kindness, and compassion,
I’d rather seen grown,
and along with all these emotions,
only love will be sewn.
We are all born, of
the human family.
So, then none of us here,
can ever be perfect you see.
I, among some others,
have made our own mistakes.
Understanding for others,
is what forgiveness, and new beginnings takes.
Until we all can look into,
the mirror and see perfection,
please, put a stop to this ugliness and hurt,
and lets build a more loving, and strong connection…………..

I pray this message is heard from within the hearts needing this and that we all find our path, more loving and compassionate towards all in creation, and we all find the strength to make the changes needed to walk in a sacred manner. With much respect and love to each one of you, Cherokee Billie

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