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Posts tagged ‘depression’

What Not To Say and What to Say to a Depressed Person!”

Let’s start with things you definitely DON’T want to say and then the things that you definitely should say to a depressed person.  Here is a collection of gems that I have heard when well-intentioned people opened their mouths and said something really stupid to a depressed person.  Being chronically ill can cause a person to be depressed. From there I explain the things that need to be said to a depressed person. We need to support one another in this life and in this video I hope to give people more awareness of what life is like for a depressed person.

Many blessings,
Cherokee Billie

CherokeeBillie.com

Understanding the Grief Process

A few weeks ago I posted an article on grief and it was so popular that I have made a video so that you can listen to it at your convenience. This is going to help anyone who is going through the different stages of grief. Be gentle with yourself and remember that healing takes its own time.

Many blessings,
Cherokee Billie

To view all of the 75 videos that I have made please check out my YouTube Channel.

GRIEF IS A PART OF THE CYCLE OF LIFE

Grief

Grief


Death, Divorce, the Loss of a job, or the Loss of a relationship or a loved one all share one thing in common: GRIEF. No matter whom you are, how old you are, where you live, whether you are rich or poor, no matter your religious affiliation or the color of your skin, every one of us has suffered GRIEF at some point in our lives. The death of a family member, the death of a marriage or romantic relationship, losing a job unexpectedly, even the death of the family pet causes grief. It doesn’t matter how it happened, how long you knew it was coming, how sick they may have been, when loss comes, grief comes in like an overwhelming flood. Every emotion you have ever felt rises to the surface and you hurt inside to the marrow of your bones. Your first thought is you will not survive it, you’ll never overcome it, and you scream, yell, cry, beg, plead, blame and think you are not going to get out of the horrible pain you are feeling.

Grief is a part of the cycle of life and it is the part of it most of us do not understand, much less know how to cope with it. The fundamental source of grief is our “fear of death”. We know that we have heard about Heaven and Hell for years, but do we believe they really exist? Is there life outside this body of ours, or do we just go back to dust and there is nothing more? When our pain is so great, it is no wonder we plead with God to die as well. Something so dear and so precious has been snatched from us and we want answers. And we want them NOW!!!! We do not want to hurt, to feel the pain so searing we don’t think our heart can bear it. Sometimes we feel nothing at first, we are almost numb. Then when we do start to feel the pain and loss, we often don’t know how to cope with it or our emotions.

In Drs. Kübler-Ross and Kessler’s book, “On Grief and Grieving,” they introduced to the world the now-famous five stages of grief: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance. These are all part of the process and until you reach the acceptance stage, it is possible to go back and forth from one stage to another or be in several of these stages at the same time. No two people grieve alike and no one should encourage someone in grief to “get over it”. Platitudes and well meaning phrases mean nothing. In fact, some of the worst offenders of these are family and friends. Because people do grieve differently, they should be allowed to grieve in their own way, and to let the process run its course.

On rare occasions, someone’s grief is so great they shut everyone else out of their life and begin to build a shrine or memorial to their lost loved one. To a certain degree this is normal, but if it looks disproportionate, someone should step up to the plate and suggest grief counseling. Usually in this circumstance, a counselor/advisor will usually find that the death or loss was the catalyst for deeper buried emotions that suddenly rushed to the surface and they could not get a grasp on reality for awhile.

As always, time alone is healing and in due season the grieving process will be completed and the hidden clutter will go away too. It is important to remember that at the moment you are grieving, it is your pain, not the pain of someone else’s experience that helps you. It is a journey you must walk out by yourself even if you have a good support group of loving friends and family to surround you with their love. Just as each of us is different, so is our grieving process, so do not expect your grief to be like mine and do not judge me if you think I am not grieving right. The five stages make up a part of the coping with the lost of a loved one; they are tools to help us identify our feelings and emotions. Everyone goes through them all nor do they go through them in a prescribed order. They are stages through which we gain knowledge of the hold grief has on us, making us better equipped to cope with life and with loss.

Denial

Being in a state of denial is the first stage of grieving. An overwhelming feeling of numbness engulfs us, and we don’t seem to feel anything. Nothing makes any sense. There is a combination of feeling helpless, hopeless and wanting to die on the one hand, and on the other hand, it’s all so surreal, it’s like a nightmare and we can’t wake up. At times the reality slips to the surface and we have to remind ourselves to breathe, we exist from second to second, then minute to minute, until we realize this is like being in a bubble and we can’t feel anything inside the bubble, we function in disbelief, shock and denial. Being inside the bubble is a coping mechanism that kicks in to help us cope with our grief. As long as the bubble remains, we somehow get through the loss and pain. This is a good thing; it is the body’s way of letting us get through the roughest spots as easily as possible. We somehow appear to “be holding up great” to others, when actually we are in total denial and sooner or later, someone or something sticks a pin in the bubble and it leaks. This is when we start to really begin to feel the pain of our loss, to question why, and blame everyone and everything, even God for causing us so much hurt. It is not a rapid process, but sooner than later, pin after pin pierces our bubble until we are back in the real world again and the pain is overwhelming. This is the beginning of the healing process even though we don’t see it that way. We don’t want to hurt or feel, we want the bubble back, but to fully recover from grief, the bubble must be broken for us to move forward and those feelings of denial will now begin to surface.

Anger

Anger almost always follows the bursting of the bubble of denial. We are angry that our grief hurts, our loss is real, it isn’t a bad dream, it really happened. Anger is a necessary part of the healing process. No matter how long it seems to take you to get through it, anger needs to be released, not bottled up inside. The sooner you can get rid of your anger, the sooner it will all be released and you will begin to heal faster. Your whole world just changed and so has everyone around you. Being angry can be healthy if you direct it into the center of the storm of your pain rather than try to play the blame game. There isn’t a conspiracy going on around you, it is the natural order of change as a result of your loss that is happening. Embrace the change and let your anger keep you focused on the real reason you are hurting. The anger you are feeling is usually directed at doctors, family, friends, your loved one, and even toward yourself. You feel abandoned, rejected, deserted and you lash out at those closest to you. Again, while this is considered normal, and it is a part of the process of healing from grief, try not to be angry at those around you; rather, be angry at the cancer, the divorce, the loss of income, whatever it is that caused you this much grief, agony and pain and totally focus your energies on being angry at that. Normally, we learn more about suppressing anger than feeling it, but in a situation of grief and intense pain, it needs to be released. Anger is another indication of how much you truly and deeply loved.

Bargaining

We want life returned to what is was; we want our loved one restored. We want to go back in time: find the tumor sooner, recognize the illness more quickly, and stop the accident from happening. Before the loss, you make offers to do anything if only your loved one would be spared. “Please God, “you bargain, I will never be angry at my wife again if you’ll just let her live.” After a loss, we renegotiate our position with statements like: “What if I spend the rest of my life helping others and when I wake up I will realize this has all been a bad dream?” We plow through all the “If only.” or “What ifs.” plea bargains. This is usually when guilt becomes bargaining’s best friend. While we are in the “if only” phase, guilt steps in and causes us to find fault in ourselves and second guess what we “think” we could have done differently. We will do anything not to feel the pain of this loss. We try to negotiate our way out of the hurt. There is nothing you can do to go back in time. Bargaining serves its purpose in the healing process, but bargains are usually never kept or realized. Each of these stages of grief are responses to feelings that can last for minutes or hours days or weeks, even months while we feel like we are on a roller coaster going in and out of one stage and then another. The stages of grief are different for everyone, some of them lasting weeks or months. We tend to forget that these stages are responses to feelings that we have at different times, places, there is no set schedule or duration of feelings and time. We do not enter and leave each individual stage in an orderly fashion. We may feel one, then another and back again to the first one. Our emotions are out of balance and it’s like riding a roller coaster, up, down, around, up again and down again over and over until it is a finished work.

Depression

When our bargaining efforts prove fruitless, we start thinking about our present situation. An emptiness and aloneness becomes unbearable and grief enters our lives on a deeper level than we ever imagined. Depression moves in and it feels as though it will last forever. This depression is not a sign of mental illness. It is the appropriate response to a great loss. We often withdraw from life, feel like we are in a fog of intense sadness, wondering, perhaps, if there is any point in even trying to start over when it could possibly end the same way. Why go through it all again? Depression after a loss is too often seen as unnatural: a state to be fixed, something to snap out of. The loss of a loved one is a very depressing situation, and depression is a normal and appropriate response. If we did not experience depression after a loved one dies it would be truly an unusual situation and one would wonder about that. When the realization that your loved one didn’t get better this time and is not coming back is understandably depressing. If grief is a process of healing, then depression is one of the many necessary steps we have to take along the way.

Acceptance

Acceptance is not the concept of being “all right” or “OK” with what has happened. This is not the case. Most people never feel “OK” or “all right” about the loss of a loved one. This stage is about accepting the reality that our loved one is physically gone and recognizing that this is the permanent reality we have to live with. We will never like this reality and it will never OK, but eventually we learn to accept it and live with it. We have to try to live now in a world where our loved one is missing. At first many people want to maintain life as it was before a loved one died. In time, however, we see that we cannot keep living in the past. Our past has been forever changed and we must learn how to live with the change. We have to learn how to start living again. It isn’t easy, but finding acceptance may be just having more good days than bad ones. Then as we begin to live again and we start to enjoy our life, it is common that we might feel we are betraying our loved one. We can never replace what has been lost, but we can make new friendships, new meaningful relationships, and new beginnings. Rather than denying our feelings, we should be listening to our needs; we move, we change, we grow, we evolve. We begin to reach out to others and become involved in their lives. We invest time in our friendships and in our relationship with ourselves. We slowly begin to live again, but we can’t do this until grief has run its full course. How long it takes is different with each of us, and there is no timetable to follow. It takes as long as it takes, because it is as unique as you are.

You will never forget the one who left you, or the loss you experienced, but you will move on with your life. The sun will come out again, the birds will sing, laughter will flow out of your heart once more, in spite of what you think now, and in due season, you will move toward a different tomorrow. Life is precious. Treasure it. Love is priceless, hold on to it protectively, not demanding and controlling. God doesn’t mind if you ask Him why, and he doesn’t mind if you even blame Him. He knows that down the road you will survive this and grow in it and from it. God did not TAKE your loved one away to teach you something, or because He NEEDED them in Heaven. That isn’t how a loving Father acts towards his children so why would God do that to you? He wouldn’t, couldn’t and didn’t. While you think He abandoned you along the way, He was the one carrying you through it all and he bottled every one of your tears. The good news is, God restores your life and while you will laugh, live and love again, but somewhere deep inside your heart you will always carry the footprints of your loved one forever. They will never be more than a whisper away. And it is in learning this lesson that we learn to embrace death and loss as a part of the circle of life.

Life on this earth may be over for some now, but they still live on, in another realm of the spirit beyond our view and we know that they are well, happy and free of pain, sorrow, and illnesses. One day, our time to take that trip to the other side will come and we will see them again and be with them for an eternity, to infinity and beyond. That is our comfort and peace and allows us to go forward knowing that one day we will meet again.

If you or someone you know is having trouble dealing with grief contact me, Cherokee Billie, and let me help with the healing process. I am always here to help.

Cherokee Billie
(866)-563-3997.

Are you having a Blue Christmas?

blue christmas
Most everyone has heard the classic song “Blue Christmas” by Elvis Presley. It speaks of loneliness and heartbreak during a time that should be filled with happiness and love. Blue is often used to refer to unhappiness, such as having the blues.

Let’s look at this holiday and see how you can turn a Blue Christmas into a happy time.

It’s that time of year again where everyone starts thinking about the holidays. Who am I going to spend the holidays with? Should I travel and visit my family? What parties am I going to give or go to? What gift should I purchase for friends and family?

As a psychic and spiritual advisor I receive more calls at this time of the year from people who are depressed and lonely, then any other time of the year. They have nowhere to go and no one wants to spend time with them. Sometimes I’m the only person they have to talk to. So many feel suicidal because they feel their life has no meaning. I feel such compassion for these people because I know what it feels like not to have family. My family has all passed away and my friends are scattered all over the world. I’m thankful to be a psychic and able to help people during this critical time.

This year is going to be different than most because there’s not as much money to go around as there has been in the past. Many people will not travel to visit relatives. Instead of giving gifts to people who really are not important, people are going to focus more on giving to those closest to them. For years people have been pressured to give gifts to those they hardly know because that is what you have to do at this time of the year. This year many people cannot afford to give any gifts because of being out of work. No one wants to see their child not have a happy time at Christmas, so many will sacrifice to see their child have joy at Christmas.

Just because the economy has gone down does not mean we need to lose the true meaning of Christmas. What is the meaning? To Find out the Answers Click Here to Read the Full Article.

Holidays are Filled with Magic at Any Age! By Cherokee Billie


As you get older are you finding that you dread holidays? Maybe it is time for you to renew your self and become childlike. Remember the fascination, wonder, and anticipation concerning Christmas each year when you were a child? This is where we need to be once more. Many have let the sparkle go out of their lives.

Whether you celebrate this holiday religiously or not does not matter. What is important is letting yourself go back and remember the fun Christmas was for you as a child.

Forget about all of the obligations you have; sometimes we have to let things go. Perhaps you do not have to attend a business Christmas party. Is anyone really going to be upset that you are not there? What is more important for you that day? Do you need to do something that satisfies your soul? Perhaps baking cookies and decorating them would be far more rewarding to your soul as it would bring back wonderful childhood memories. The cookies could always be given as presents. It is not necessary to have to spend a lot of money on presents for people just because it is Christmas.

The amount of depression at this time of the year is enormous. The commercialism of the holiday season puts a great deal of pressure on people. Advertising in all forms indicates that you should be having wonderful parties surrounded by friends and family and laughing whereas that is not always the case! Many people live far from their families, or their families have passed on, and have no close friends. The pressure is on for you to have a good time because it is Christmas and New Year’s.

Stop and still your mind and think about what you would really like to do. What about taking a walk and enjoying the frosty air? Why not take yourself through the toy department and see what calls out to you? What about buying yourself a toy? The inner child is often crying out for things from the past, and there is nothing wrong with buying something that will please the child within.

You can bring the anticipation back into your life that you had as a child by removing the obstacles that have been placed upon us by society and the advertising community. There is still a Great Spirit and Angels that are more than willing to help us feel and experience the mysteries and wonders of life. Ask for the sparkle to be brought into your heart right now and see if you can change your experience of the holiday season.

Claim the innocence of childhood for yourself this year and let go of obligations. We need this now more than ever because of the pressures living in a depressed economy.

The same childhood magic is there for you as long as you can let go of thoughts, emotions, and pressures that impede you from experiencing a newness of life. What is passed is the past and live now. Do not stay buried in old emotions. Children live in the moment. Being a child is a blessing that you can have once more. Take time every day to please the child within you and you will be amazed at how quickly you feel like jumping and playing once more.

Have a Magical Holiday Now!

All Living Things Need Attention.

Plants grow best when we pay attention to them. That means watering, touching them, putting them in places where they will receive good light. They need people around them to notice if they are drooping at the edges or looking particularly happy in the sunlight. The more attention a plant receives, the better it will grow.

We need to be noticed in the same way. If we notice a family member or friend is drooping, perhaps we can pay some special attention to him or her. All of us need someone to care about how we are and to truly listen to us. We can share and double someone’s happiness by noticing and talking about it also. We help the people around us to grow by listening to their droopy edges as well as their bright days. People need this as much as plants need light and water.

Nurture one another. There’s no greater gift you can give to someone then your time and caring. The best cure for depression is to uplift someone else. You will be amazed at how good you feel when you give time and attention to somebody who needs a little love.

ORIGINAL MODEL ‘T’ FORD PLANT

Many people do not realize the great contribution Henry Ford gave to the world by creating the assembly line. This offered more jobs to people during the depression. He created the eight hour business day, because he knew that he could have another shift work and production would continue 24 hours a day.

Well worth watching — some of the scenes at the end are amazing (off-road wise).

DON’T MISS THIS ONE!!!

This is a great video showing the first assembly lines at the original Ford auto plant.

Neat to see those guys making the old wooden wheels, by hand mostly……
The places that car could go …… is amazing considering there were no paved roads!

Click Here To Watch The Video

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