Last month I posted the most personal message I have ever posted about my life and my health situation. Reference Calling On All Earth Angels By Clicking Here. In which I gave a brief rundown of my health history and the accident that I suffered in December 2013. Many people responded in such an outpouring of love and donations that it made me feel that what I have been doing as a Spiritual Advisor for close to 30 years has been worthwhile to some on this planet.
I had to reach out world wide last month and ask for donations because my business has been going downhill for the last year and I was flat broke when I had the accident, where I fell, and I now require 24 hour care plus tons of extra medical supplies. My whole life changed in that moment. I have been slowly deteriorating for 23 years, again reference the article link above, and I could barely do anything for myself prior to the accident, but at least I was able to be on my own in the evenings and do the few things necessary to keep alive.
So many people keep saying to me you can receive so much from the government. That is not true anymore. There are many elderly people who are homeless. The government does not help its people any longer. Government and state benefits have been dramatically slashed. You are on your own and I have realized that for a long long time and that is why I have been working at what I can do from a bed. It is extremely humbling to ask for help from the public. Contrary to what many people think, Medicare does not cover most long-term care costs. It does pay for some part-time services for people who are homebound and for short-term skilled nursing care, but it does not cover ongoing personal care at home, like help with bathing, cooking, errands, assistance with movement.
Nursing homes and 24-hour skilled care at home are the most expensive types of long-term care. Because nursing homes cost so much — thousands of dollars a month — most people who live in them for more than 6 months cannot pay the entire bill on their own
Citizens are obligated to take care of themselves. It is not the government’s job to take care of you, which is your responsibility; it is the job of the government to make sure that your rights aren’t infringed upon by others or the government itself.
It’s now five weeks since I fell and I have become weaker because of not being able to do what I could normally such as walk to the bathroom using a walker or cane, shower with assistance, heat up food in the microwave, and brush my teeth. Now I need someone to help me with each one of these simple things that you do without even having to think about it.
Every move I make is causing pain somewhere in my neural muscular system because I have lost more strength by not being able to move after damaging the tendon in my right foot. Last week I was speaking to an acquaintance on the phone and they said that I sounded very down and I said: “No, I am not down, just in incredible pain.” I could tell from their silence that they really didn’t understand what I was saying. People misinterpret who you are when you are chronically ill. Only those who live with these conditions understand what it’s like. Just because you cannot SEE the disability, do not just assume that it is not there.
The one thing that I am able to do better than ever is my spiritual work, No matter how I feel when I start working with someone else everything recedes as my complete spiritual self is involved with them and not focused on any part of me. I am willing to work for money, but I cannot compete with the large psychic companies that can pay thousands of dollars a month for advertising. I am a one person business. When I started out the competition was not as fierce as it is now and also I had front page ranking on Google for four years. Two years ago they changed their algorithm and when they did they knocked my website to kingdom come. I have to work hard on social media to keep my name out in the public. This is why my business is struggling to stay alive.
The last few years have been difficult watching my body deteriorate at a rapid rate. I am down to skin and bones and not able to put on any weight. This is what happens when your body is unable to function anymore. It is common for people who are dying to lose weight and not be able to keep weight on. My time is very limited and I do not mind dying, I am just not looking forward to the process. I look forward to the afterlife as I know what to expect because of working in spirit for so many years. I am grateful that my experiences as a psychic have helped me be content about my own death. It is the people around me who are most uncomfortable about my dying. They just do not know how to accept it and what to say. There is not much to say in these circumstances, it is just important to be there listening and doing your best to understand the other person’s situation.
I would appreciate if you are able to donate and/or please share the link to my GoFundMe Donation Page. on your Facebook page, e-mail it to friends, other social media, or any organizations that you know might be helpful. The more this is shared the more possibilities for me to receive help.
This is what dying slowly is like when you are all alone without family. It’s important to have good caregivers you pay to take care of your needs because friends get tired of being called upon for help constantly. I pray that you never end up in my situation.
Thank you for reading this and please share the donation page with others.
Letter To People Without Chronic Pain!
In the spirit of informing those who wish to understand …
… These are the things that I would like you to understand about me before you judge me…
Please understand that being sick doesn’t mean I’m not still a human being. I have to spend most of my day in considerable pain and exhaustion, and if you visit, sometimes I probably don’t seem like much fun to be with, but I’m still me– stuck inside this body. I still worry about my business, my friends, and most of the time – I’d still like to hear you talk about yours, too.
Please understand the difference between “happy” and “healthy”. When you’ve got the flu, you probably feel miserable with it, but I’ve been sick for years. I can’t be miserable all the time. In fact, I work hard at not being miserable. So, if you’re talking to me and I sound happy, it means I’m happy. That’s all. It doesn’t mean that I’m not in a lot of pain, or extremely tired, or that I’m getting better, or any of those things. Please don’t say,
“Oh, you’re sounding better!” or “But you look so healthy!” I am merely coping. I am sounding happy and trying to look normal. If you want to comment on that, you’re welcome.
Please understand that being able to stand up for 2 minutes doesn’t necessarily mean that I can stand up for 5 minutes, or 30 minutes. Just because I managed to stand up for 5 minutes yesterday doesn’t mean that I can do the same today. With a lot of diseases you’re either paralyzed, or you can move. With this one, it gets more confusing everyday. It can be like a yo-yo. I never know from day to day, how I am going to feel when I wake up. In most cases, I never know from minute to minute. That is one of the hardest and most frustrating components of chronic pain.
Please repeat the above paragraph substituting, “sitting”, “walking”, “thinking”, “concentrating”, “being sociable” and so on … it applies to everything. That’s what chronic pain does to you.
Please understand that chronic pain is variable. It’s quite possible (for many, it’s common) that one day I am able to walk to the bathroom and back, while the next day I’ll have trouble standing up. Please don’t attack me when I’m ill by saying, “But you did it before!” or “Oh, come on, I know you can do this!” If you want me to do something, then ask if I can. If you are able, please try to always remember how very lucky you are–to be physically able to do all of the things that you can do.
Please understand that “getting out and doing things” does not make me feel better, and with my severe debilitated body it would just cause much more pain. You don’t know what I go through or how I suffer in my own private time. Telling me that I need to exercise, or do some things to get my mind off of it¨ may frustrate me to tears, and is not correct if I was capable of doing some things any or all of the time, don’t you know that I would? Another statement that hurts is, “You just need to push yourself more, try harder…” Obviously, chronic pain can affect the whole body, or be localized to specific areas. Sometimes participating in a single activity for a short or a long period of time can cause more damage and physical pain than you could ever imagine. Not to mention the recovery time, which can be intense. You can’t always read it on my face or in my body language. Also, chronic pain may cause secondary depression (wouldn’t you get depressed and down if you were hurting constantly for years?), but it is not created by depression.
Please understand that if I say I have to sit down/lie down/stay in bed, that probably means that I do have to do it right now – it can’t be put off or forgotten just because I am right in the middle of doing something.
Chronic pain does not forgive, nor does it wait for anyone.
If you want to suggest a cure to me, please don’t. It’s not because I don’t appreciate the thought, and it’s not because I don’t want to get well. Lord knows that isn’t true. In all likelihood, if you’ve heard of it or tried it, so have I. In some cases, I have been made sicker, not better. This can involve side effects or allergic reactions. It also includes failure, which in and of itself can make me feel even lower. If there were something that cured, or even helped people with my form of chronic pain, then we’d know about it.
There is worldwide networking (both on and off the Internet) between people with chronic pain. If something worked, we would KNOW. It’s definitely not for lack of trying. If, after reading this, you still feel the need to suggest a cure, then so be it. I may take what you said and discuss it with my doctor.
If I seem touchy, it’s probably because I am. It’s not how I try to be. As a matter of fact, I try very hard to be normal. I hope you will try to understand. I have been, and am still, going through a lot. Chronic pain is hard for you to understand unless you have had it. It wreaks havoc on the body and the mind. It is exhausting and exasperating. Almost all the time, I know that I am doing my best to cope with this, and live my life to the best of my ability. I ask you to bear with me, and accept me as I am. I know that you cannot literally understand my situation unless you have been in my shoes, but as much as is possible, I am asking you to try to understand in general.
In many ways I depend on you – people who are not sick. I need you to visit me. Sometimes I need your help with a phone conversation so I don’t feel so alone. You are my link to the normalcy of life. You can help me to keep in touch with the parts of life that I miss.
I know that I have asked a lot from you, and I do thank you for listening. It really does mean a lot.