GRIEF IS A PART OF THE CYCLE OF LIFE

Grief

Death, Divorce, the Loss of a job, or the Loss of a relationship or a loved one all share one thing in common: GRIEF. No matter whom you are, how old you are, where you live, whether you are rich or poor, no matter your religious affiliation or the color of your skin, every one of us has suffered GRIEF at some point in our lives. The death of a family member, the death of a marriage or romantic relationship, losing a job unexpectedly, even the death of the family pet causes grief. It doesn’t matter how it happened, how long you knew it was coming, how sick they may have been, when loss comes, grief comes in like an overwhelming flood. Every emotion you have ever felt rises to the surface and you hurt inside to the marrow of your bones. Your first thought is you will not survive it, you’ll never overcome it, and you scream, yell, cry, beg, plead, blame and think you are not going to get out of the horrible pain you are feeling.

Grief is a part of the cycle of life and it is the part of it most of us do not understand, much less know how to cope with it. The fundamental source of grief is our “fear of death”. We know that we have heard about Heaven and Hell for years, but do we believe they really exist? Is there life outside this body of ours, or do we just go back to dust and there is nothing more? When our pain is so great, it is no wonder we plead with God to die as well. Something so dear and so precious has been snatched from us and we want answers. And we want them NOW!!!! We do not want to hurt, to feel the pain so searing we don’t think our heart can bear it. Sometimes we feel nothing at first, we are almost numb. Then when we do start to feel the pain and loss, we often don’t know how to cope with it or our emotions.

In Drs. Kübler-Ross and Kessler’s book, “On Grief and Grieving,” they introduced to the world the now-famous five stages of grief: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance. These are all part of the process and until you reach the acceptance stage, it is possible to go back and forth from one stage to another or be in several of these stages at the same time. No two people grieve alike and no one should encourage someone in grief to “get over it”. Platitudes and well meaning phrases mean nothing. In fact, some of the worst offenders of these are family and friends. Because people do grieve differently, they should be allowed to grieve in their own way, and to let the process run its course.

On rare occasions, someone’s grief is so great they shut everyone else out of their life and begin to build a shrine or memorial to their lost loved one. To a certain degree this is normal, but if it looks disproportionate, someone should step up to the plate and suggest grief counseling. Usually in this circumstance, a counselor/advisor will usually find that the death or loss was the catalyst for deeper buried emotions that suddenly rushed to the surface and they could not get a grasp on reality for awhile.

As always, time alone is healing and in due season the grieving process will be completed and the hidden clutter will go away too. It is important to remember that at the moment you are grieving, it is your pain, not the pain of someone else’s experience that helps you. It is a journey you must walk out by yourself even if you have a good support group of loving friends and family to surround you with their love. Just as each of us is different, so is our grieving process, so do not expect your grief to be like mine and do not judge me if you think I am not grieving right. The five stages make up a part of the coping with the lost of a loved one; they are tools to help us identify our feelings and emotions. Everyone goes through them all nor do they go through them in a prescribed order. They are stages through which we gain knowledge of the hold grief has on us, making us better equipped to cope with life and with loss.

Denial

Being in a state of denial is the first stage of grieving. An overwhelming feeling of numbness engulfs us, and we don’t seem to feel anything. Nothing makes any sense. There is a combination of feeling helpless, hopeless and wanting to die on the one hand, and on the other hand, it’s all so surreal, it’s like a nightmare and we can’t wake up. At times the reality slips to the surface and we have to remind ourselves to breathe, we exist from second to second, then minute to minute, until we realize this is like being in a bubble and we can’t feel anything inside the bubble, we function in disbelief, shock and denial. Being inside the bubble is a coping mechanism that kicks in to help us cope with our grief. As long as the bubble remains, we somehow get through the loss and pain. This is a good thing; it is the body’s way of letting us get through the roughest spots as easily as possible. We somehow appear to “be holding up great” to others, when actually we are in total denial and sooner or later, someone or something sticks a pin in the bubble and it leaks. This is when we start to really begin to feel the pain of our loss, to question why, and blame everyone and everything, even God for causing us so much hurt. It is not a rapid process, but sooner than later, pin after pin pierces our bubble until we are back in the real world again and the pain is overwhelming. This is the beginning of the healing process even though we don’t see it that way. We don’t want to hurt or feel, we want the bubble back, but to fully recover from grief, the bubble must be broken for us to move forward and those feelings of denial will now begin to surface.

Anger

Anger almost always follows the bursting of the bubble of denial. We are angry that our grief hurts, our loss is real, it isn’t a bad dream, it really happened. Anger is a necessary part of the healing process. No matter how long it seems to take you to get through it, anger needs to be released, not bottled up inside. The sooner you can get rid of your anger, the sooner it will all be released and you will begin to heal faster. Your whole world just changed and so has everyone around you. Being angry can be healthy if you direct it into the center of the storm of your pain rather than try to play the blame game. There isn’t a conspiracy going on around you, it is the natural order of change as a result of your loss that is happening. Embrace the change and let your anger keep you focused on the real reason you are hurting. The anger you are feeling is usually directed at doctors, family, friends, your loved one, and even toward yourself. You feel abandoned, rejected, deserted and you lash out at those closest to you. Again, while this is considered normal, and it is a part of the process of healing from grief, try not to be angry at those around you; rather, be angry at the cancer, the divorce, the loss of income, whatever it is that caused you this much grief, agony and pain and totally focus your energies on being angry at that. Normally, we learn more about suppressing anger than feeling it, but in a situation of grief and intense pain, it needs to be released. Anger is another indication of how much you truly and deeply loved.

Bargaining

We want life returned to what is was; we want our loved one restored. We want to go back in time: find the tumor sooner, recognize the illness more quickly, and stop the accident from happening. Before the loss, you make offers to do anything if only your loved one would be spared. “Please God, “you bargain, I will never be angry at my wife again if you’ll just let her live.” After a loss, we renegotiate our position with statements like: “What if I spend the rest of my life helping others and when I wake up I will realize this has all been a bad dream?” We plow through all the “If only.” or “What ifs.” plea bargains. This is usually when guilt becomes bargaining’s best friend. While we are in the “if only” phase, guilt steps in and causes us to find fault in ourselves and second guess what we “think” we could have done differently. We will do anything not to feel the pain of this loss. We try to negotiate our way out of the hurt. There is nothing you can do to go back in time. Bargaining serves its purpose in the healing process, but bargains are usually never kept or realized. Each of these stages of grief are responses to feelings that can last for minutes or hours days or weeks, even months while we feel like we are on a roller coaster going in and out of one stage and then another. The stages of grief are different for everyone, some of them lasting weeks or months. We tend to forget that these stages are responses to feelings that we have at different times, places, there is no set schedule or duration of feelings and time. We do not enter and leave each individual stage in an orderly fashion. We may feel one, then another and back again to the first one. Our emotions are out of balance and it’s like riding a roller coaster, up, down, around, up again and down again over and over until it is a finished work.

Depression

When our bargaining efforts prove fruitless, we start thinking about our present situation. An emptiness and aloneness becomes unbearable and grief enters our lives on a deeper level than we ever imagined. Depression moves in and it feels as though it will last forever. This depression is not a sign of mental illness. It is the appropriate response to a great loss. We often withdraw from life, feel like we are in a fog of intense sadness, wondering, perhaps, if there is any point in even trying to start over when it could possibly end the same way. Why go through it all again? Depression after a loss is too often seen as unnatural: a state to be fixed, something to snap out of. The loss of a loved one is a very depressing situation, and depression is a normal and appropriate response. If we did not experience depression after a loved one dies it would be truly an unusual situation and one would wonder about that. When the realization that your loved one didn’t get better this time and is not coming back is understandably depressing. If grief is a process of healing, then depression is one of the many necessary steps we have to take along the way.

Acceptance

Acceptance is not the concept of being “all right” or “OK” with what has happened. This is not the case. Most people never feel “OK” or “all right” about the loss of a loved one. This stage is about accepting the reality that our loved one is physically gone and recognizing that this is the permanent reality we have to live with. We will never like this reality and it will never OK, but eventually we learn to accept it and live with it. We have to try to live now in a world where our loved one is missing. At first many people want to maintain life as it was before a loved one died. In time, however, we see that we cannot keep living in the past. Our past has been forever changed and we must learn how to live with the change. We have to learn how to start living again. It isn’t easy, but finding acceptance may be just having more good days than bad ones. Then as we begin to live again and we start to enjoy our life, it is common that we might feel we are betraying our loved one. We can never replace what has been lost, but we can make new friendships, new meaningful relationships, and new beginnings. Rather than denying our feelings, we should be listening to our needs; we move, we change, we grow, we evolve. We begin to reach out to others and become involved in their lives. We invest time in our friendships and in our relationship with ourselves. We slowly begin to live again, but we can’t do this until grief has run its full course. How long it takes is different with each of us, and there is no timetable to follow. It takes as long as it takes, because it is as unique as you are.

You will never forget the one who left you, or the loss you experienced, but you will move on with your life. The sun will come out again, the birds will sing, laughter will flow out of your heart once more, in spite of what you think now, and in due season, you will move toward a different tomorrow. Life is precious. Treasure it. Love is priceless, hold on to it protectively, not demanding and controlling. God doesn’t mind if you ask Him why, and he doesn’t mind if you even blame Him. He knows that down the road you will survive this and grow in it and from it. God did not TAKE your loved one away to teach you something, or because He NEEDED them in Heaven. That isn’t how a loving Father acts towards his children so why would God do that to you? He wouldn’t, couldn’t and didn’t. While you think He abandoned you along the way, He was the one carrying you through it all and he bottled every one of your tears. The good news is, God restores your life and while you will laugh, live and love again, but somewhere deep inside your heart you will always carry the footprints of your loved one forever. They will never be more than a whisper away. And it is in learning this lesson that we learn to embrace death and loss as a part of the circle of life.

Life on this earth may be over for some now, but they still live on, in another realm of the spirit beyond our view and we know that they are well, happy and free of pain, sorrow, and illnesses. One day, our time to take that trip to the other side will come and we will see them again and be with them for an eternity, to infinity and beyond. That is our comfort and peace and allows us to go forward knowing that one day we will meet again.

If you or someone you know is having trouble dealing with grief contact me, Cherokee Billie, and let me help with the healing process. I am always here to help.

Cherokee Billie
(866)-563-3997.

Love is…

Love is like magic and it always will be
For love still remains life’s sweet mystery

Love works in ways that are wondrous and strange
And there is nothing in life that love cannot change

Love can transform the most commonplace
Into beauty and splendor and sweetness and grace

Love is unselfish, understanding and kind
For it sees with its heart and not with its mind

Love gives and forgives
There is nothing too much
For love to heal with its magic touch

Love is the language that every heart speaks
For love is the one thing that every heart seeks

Remember: Love is found in unexpected places!

To Learn More About Love And Spirituality Read More Here

Learn about Chakras and how to keep them in balance!

Chakras are nonphysical organs that transform raw Kundalini energy into more subtle, and useable, forms of energy, of a different type. It can be drawn into the human body and transformed, by the chakra system, into a more subtle and useable form of energy.

The video I have made will explain everything in detail. If you would like to learn how to balance your Chakras I can teach you in one session. Contact me at (866)-563-3997 if you are interested. Many blessings, Cherokee Billie

We Are Spirits In This Material World. By Cherokee Billie

Most people do not think about the fact that our bodies are just a vehicle for our real self, which is a spirit. We are attached to this third dimension, which is material, and we forget that there are other dimensions and facets to life.

Because we are spirits, we are far more than just our bodies and this world. We focus on what our body needs and wants and forget that there’s something else going on inside. Our spirits need attention and love every day.

* Do you feed your self every day?
* Do you take a bath or shower every day?

If so then you need to start thinking about feeding and cleansing your spirit. It’s so critical to realize you are inside of a vehicle, and the spiritual side needs to be nourished, cleansed and loved. Many people do not really love themselves and they are looking for love in every face that they see. Real love is within us, and it takes some work on our part to find the source of love inside of us.

When we die, we discard this body, and we become a spirit. Death is the birth of your soul. In the spirit world there are no genders such as male and female. We are pure energy, light, and love. We can take on the semblance of who we were in life or even someone or something else. It is quite unlimited.

Read the Entire Article Here

What Do You See?

When an old man died in the geriatric ward of a nursing home in an Australian country town, it was believed that he had nothing left of any value.

Later, when the nurses were going through his meager possessions, they found this poem. Its quality and content so impressed the staff that copies were made and distributed to every nurse in the hospital.

One nurse took her copy to Melbourne. The old man’s sole bequest to posterity has since appeared in the Christmas editions of magazines around the country and appearing in mags for Mental Health. A slide presentation has also been made based on his simple, but eloquent, poem.

And this old man, with nothing left to give to the world, is now the author of this ‘anonymous’ poem winging across the Internet.

Cranky Old Man

What do you see nurses? . . .. . .What do you see?
What are you thinking .. . when you’re looking at me?
A cranky old man, . . . . . .not very wise,
Uncertain of habit .. . . . . . . .. with faraway eyes?
Who dribbles his food .. . … . . and makes no reply.
When you say in a loud voice . .’I do wish you’d try!’
Who seems not to notice . . .the things that you do.
And forever is losing . . . . . .. . . A sock or shoe?
Who, resisting or not . . . … lets you do as you will,
With bathing and feeding . . . .The long day to fill?
Is that what you’re thinking?. .Is that what you see?
Then open your eyes, nurse .you’re not looking at me.
I’ll tell you who I am . . . . .. As I sit here so still,
As I do at your bidding, .. . . . as I eat at your will.
I’m a small child of Ten . .with a father and mother,
Brothers and sisters .. . . .. . who love one another
A young boy of Sixteen . . . .. with wings on his feet
Dreaming that soon now . . .. . . a lover he’ll meet.
A groom soon at Twenty . . . ..my heart gives a leap.
Remembering, the vows .. .. .that I promised to keep.
At Twenty-Five, now . . . . .I have young of my own.
Who need me to guide . . . And a secure happy home.
A man of Thirty . .. . . . . My young now grown fast,
Bound to each other . . .. With ties that should last.
At Forty, my young sons .. .have grown and are gone,
But my woman is beside me . . to see I don’t mourn.
At Fifty, once more, .. …Babies play ’round my knee,
Again, we know children . . . . My loved one and me.
Dark days are upon me . . . . My wife is now dead.
I look at the future … . . . . I shudder with dread.
For my young are all rearing .. . . young of their own.
And I think of the years . . . And the love that I’ve known.
I’m now an old man . . . . . . .. and nature is cruel.
It’s jest to make old age . . . . . . . look like a fool.
The body, it crumbles .. .. . grace and vigor, depart.
There is now a stone . . . where I once had a heart.
But inside this old carcass . A young man still dwells,
And now and again . . . . . my battered heart swells
I remember the joys . . . . .. . I remember the pain.
And I’m loving and living . . . . . . . life over again.
I think of the years, all too few . . .. gone too fast.
And accept the stark fact . . . that nothing can last.
So open your eyes, people .. . . . .. . . open and see.
Not a cranky old man .
Look closer . . . . see .. .. . .. …. . ME!!

Remember this poem when you next meet an older person who you might brush aside without looking at the young soul within. We will all, one day, be there, too!

Originally by Phyllis McCormack; adapted by Dave Griffith

Remembering Jim Morrison 41 years Later!

It’s hard to believe that Jim Morrison has been dead for 41 years. In the short 27 years that he lived he left a major impact on the world. He said, “No one will ever forget me, Ever.” And what a true statement that has been. You can go to any country in the world and sing a few bars of “Light My Fire” and people will instantly recognized that song. If you show people a picture of Jim Morrison they know exactly who he is.

He lived a hard fast life, but he left so much behind that has inspired so many people. There are those that love to judge him because he drank and did drugs, but that is not the sum total of the man. He was a philosopher, poet, Song writer, and singer. The magnitude of work that he left behind shows that he did not spend all of his time stoned out of his mind. He understood his purpose in this life and knew that he would not live long. How many people understand their purpose in life at the age of 18?

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Remembering Princess Diana July 01, 1961 to August 31, 1997

Princess Diana will long be remembered for her kindness, gentleness, beauty, and humanitarianism. Today on her birthday let’s celebrate her life and what she gave to so many. I know that she would be very proud of her two sons.

Here is an amazing and inspiring quote from a beautiful woman and an inspiration to so many…..
”Carry out random acts of kindness with no expectation of reward; safe in the knowledge that one day, someone might do the same for you.” – Princess Diana

This is so true. Whenever you do kindnesses expect nothing in return and that is how the blessings come in to your life.

In 2007, marking the tenth anniversary of her death, her sons, Princes William and Harry, honored their beloved mother with a special concert to be held on what would have been her 46th birthday. The proceeds of the event went to charities supported by Diana and her sons.

Continuing her charitable efforts is the Diana, Princess of Wales Memorial Fund. Established after her death, the fund provides grants to numerous organizations and supports initiatives to provide care to the sick in Africa, help refugees, and stop the use of land mines.

So here are a few facts. Diana shook up the British monarchy and speeded its modernization. She helped to tear down prejudices about AIDS. She raised awareness of eating disorders. She promoted opposition to land mines. These are pretty hefty achievements for a woman of little education who mocked herself for being “thick as a plank.” Add to these a more dubious accomplishment — her skillful manipulation of media images — and it’s clear why, so many years after her death, Diana remains an inescapable presence in British life: mostly, but not always, benign; a restless and seductive ghost. It’s time to peer into the many corners she still haunts.

In her charitable work, Diana set a standard that’s hard to equal. She ignored the prevailing prejudices and fears about AIDS to clasp the hands of sufferers, and embraced leprosy patients in Indonesia. Arbiter remembers a visit to a home for the blind where Diana noticed that an old resident was crying: “She asked what was the matter and he said, ‘I can’t see you.’ So she took his hand and put it on her face.”

Her beautiful spirit will always live on. She will always be the Queen of Hearts!

Animals are Love

Pets are our close companions because they provide love, comfort, safety, warmth, happiness, levity, wonder, laughter, and friendship. Pets teach us to have more patience with life and to enjoy the simple things.

I believe all the animals I have had in my life are truly spiritual beings, and it’s my opinion they have been put in my life for a reason: to help me be a better person in the here and now and to teach me things that will lead me to a joyous hereafter.

Here are some quotations about animals and please share your own thoughts about these wonderful marvelous creatures that share our lives.

A house is not a home without a pet.

Animals are such agreeable friends–they ask no questions, they pass no criticisms.
- George Eliot

Love the animals: God has given them the rudiments of thought and joy untroubled.
- Fyodor Dostoyevsky

Who can believe that there is no soul behind those luminous eyes!
- Theophile Gautier

If having a soul means being able to feel love and loyalty and gratitude, then animals are better off than a lot of humans.
- James Herriot

My most treasured possessions are not things; they are only things, my friends, family and animals are what counts.
- Olivia Newton-John

The difference between friends and pets is that friends we allow into our company, pets we allow into our solitude.
- Robert Brault

The best thing about animals is that they don’t talk much.
- Thornton Wilder

All of the animals except for man know that the principle business of life is to enjoy it.
- Samuel Butler

The Apron

I don’t think our kids know what an apron is.

The principal use of Grandma’s apron was to protect the dress underneath because she only had a few. It was also because it was easier to wash aprons than dresses and aprons used less material. But along with that, it served as a potholder for removing hot pans from the oven.

It was wonderful for drying children’s tears, and on occasion was even used for cleaning out dirty ears.

From the chicken coop, the apron was used for carrying eggs, fussy chicks, and sometimes half-hatched eggs to be finished in the warming oven.

When company came, those aprons were ideal hiding places for shy kids..

And when the weather was cold Grandma wrapped it around her arms.

Those big old aprons wiped many a perspiring brow, bent over the hot wood stove.

Chips and kindling wood were brought into the kitchen in that apron.

From the garden, it carried all sorts of vegetables.
After the peas had been shelled, it carried out the hulls.

In the fall, the apron was used to bring in apples that had fallen from the trees.

When unexpected company drove up the road, it was surprising how much furniture that old apron could dust in a matter of seconds.

When dinner was ready, Grandma walked out onto the porch, waved her apron, and the men folk knew it was time to come in from the fields to dinner.

It will be a long time before someone invents something that will replace that ‘old-time apron’ that served so many purposes.

Send this to those who would know (and love) the story about Grandma’s aprons.

REMEMBER:

Grandma used to set her hot baked apple pies on the window sill to cool. Her granddaughters set theirs on the window sill to thaw.

They would go crazy now trying to figure out how many germs were on that apron.

I don’t think I ever caught anything from an apron – but love…

Easter Eggs…a little History

It’s common knowledge that Easter is a Christian celebration of Christ’s rising, but this holiday also has pagan origins. Where did the colored eggs, cute little bunnies, baby chicks, leg of lamb dinners, and lilies come from? They are all symbols of rebirth and the lamb was a traditional religious sacrifice.

Easter falls in the spring, the yearly time of renewal, when the earth renews itself after a long, cold winter. The word Easter comes to us from the Norsemen’s Eostur, Eastar, Ostara, and Ostar, and the pagan goddess Eostre, all of which involve the season of the growing sun and new birth. The Easter Bunny arose originally as a symbol of fertility, due to the rapid reproduction habits of the hare and rabbit.

Long hard winters often meant little food, and a fresh egg for Easter was quite a prize. Later, Christians abstained from eating meat during the Lenten season prior to Easter. Easter was the first chance to enjoy eggs and meat after the long abstinence.

The egg is nature’s perfect package. It has, during the span of
history, represented mystery, magic, medicine, food and omen. The
egg represents the rebirth of the earth. The long, hard winter is
over; the earth burst forth and is reborn just as the egg
miraculously burst forth with life. The egg, therefore, is believed
to have special powers.

It was buried under the foundations of buildings to ward off evil;
pregnant young Roman women carried an egg on their persons to
foretell the sex of their unborn children; French brides stepped
upon an egg before crossing the threshold of their new homes.

It is the universal symbol of Spring celebrations throughout the
world and has been dyed, painted, adorned and embellished in the
celebration of its special symbolism.

To many Pagans, the golden yolk represents the Sun God, while its
white shell is seen as the White Goddess and the egg as a whole
represents rebirth.

Traditionally, the eggs were marked with brilliant colors along with
various types of bands drawn upon them which represented the cycles
of life, death, and rebirth. Other symbols representing the triple
Goddess, the Sun, and such shapes as triangles, squares, circles,
and dots can usually be found. The drawing of special signs upon a
symbolic object as with the eggs is a form of magic, as is done
when creating a talisman or amulet.